Stuck Like Glue

WARNING!WARNING! WARNING! What I am going to blog about today may come across as TMI. I am transparent and can not "edit" this to meet the taste of those that might find it "distasteful". I am sorry if the following causes anyone any kind of discomfort. That is not my intention. My point in blogging about my journey to better health is to have a place to go that can hold me accountable. I am doing this for me. If it helps people along the way that is great! However, my purpose in blogging is selfish. Therefore, since I am blogging for me I am not going to sugar coat it. It does me no good. Not only that, but the blog entry would kind of suck!

So, here goes....

I have not started my period yet. I was expecting it about Wednesday or so last week and it still has not come. I guess if I did not have issues with water retintion during that time of month I would not really care, but I am still holding water like I do when I am gonna start and it is frustrating! The scale was not down at all and I am not happy about that.

Before any of you go there no I am not pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. There is a slim chance that I could ever get pregnant because my husband has been fixed and I am not a two park garage (if you know what I mean). Now, with all of that being said, I would welcome another baby. In fact, I would be overjoyed with a new addition to our family! On the same token I am totally okay with no more babies. Obviously because my husband is fixed. LOL! I just know that if it is in God's will for us to have another baby than nothing will stop it. I am okay with whatever his will for my and my family's life is. Regardless, I am not pregnant. LOL!

So, moving right along. My Mom started to have issues with her menstral cylce at about 35 and I am 35. This could just be a phase of womanhood that I am going through. Lucky me! I am seeing my doctor in two weeks and I will discuss it with her at that time. I sure hope this is not early menopause. I am so not wanting the change right now. LOL! However, it is then it is, right?

Where was I? Oh, right I am late and feel like I am bloated from it all.

As you have probably guessed I have not lost a darn pound! This is the second week that I have not seen much (none this week) of a change. Normally I would just throw in the towel and say this does not work and walk away. I am not doing that this time. I am going to stick with this because I have seen some benefits. I base the success of this on a few other factors. Based on those factors this is working!

1) My skin is beautiful! Usually I have some acne along my jaw line and/or behind my ears -- especially when I am PMSing. I also have always had a bit of a red undertone. No one really notices it because I am very good with my make up. LOL! Ever since I have started this diet I have not acne (one zit last week) and my redness is gone. Most importantly my skin is not sore! How I feel in my book is far more valuable that how something looks and my skin feels good.

2) My afternoon naps are gone. I no longer need my hour rest time AND I am only requiring 7 hours of sleep at night. This is HUGE! Before I would sleep 9 hours at night and then need another hour (at least) in the afternoon and I was tired all the time. By taking more care of what I put into my mouth I have given myself an additional 3 hours a day! As a mom of three kiddos and home educator I so need those three hours. Plus I just feel more "with it". I don't know how else to say it. Before I felt like I was in a dream state and foggy. Not now! I am much more clear headed. Plus I am really sleeping at night. It is like I am finally getting in some good hard sleeping.

3) I have lost a total of 7.5 inches in my waist and butt. I am amazed and so happy it was not in my boobs! I love my boobs and one of my concerns was that I would loes it there first and I have not.

4) I am down 11 pounds since I started this four weeks ago. I am not happy with that number. I expected to pull 20 this FIRST (not every) month. However, I have said all along that if I lost 10 pounds a month I am doing well. So, I made my 10 pound goal.

The one thing I don't understand is since I have lost so many inches why have I not lost more on the scale? I am not lifting wieghts so I find it hard to believe that I am putting on muscle. As much as it pains me to say that it is the truth! The only thing I do differently now than I have in the past is I walk my kids to and from school each day and that takes up about 40 minutes of my day. I am not speed walking by any means so I know I did not put on that much muscle (if any).

My husband was an athletic trainer and I turned to him in my confusion today and he had some insight that I am taking to heart. He said that I have been eatting the majority of my points and calories at dinner. I need to flip it because my body is slowing down and I can't burn off the calories as well as I could if I had them in the morning or before 2 in the afternoon. He is right. I have been skimping by all day because I love dinner time. I love to cook and eat with my family. It is where we all come and connect and talk. I don't / will not loes that and I don't have to. I just don't need to take seconds! LOL! Yes, I have been working the seconds into my points for the day so technically I am still "legal" but I am working the system a little. So, I am going to concentrate on not taking seconds and eatting the majority of my points before two.

In addition, my doctor told me that with my thyroid issue there will be weeks that I just don't loes and to stick with it because my body will have to give in. Apprently not only am I stubborn -- but my body is too! That is okay. I will win.

Mind over matter!

Paint

I am so happy that we had hail damage to our house because we get two new AC units, our roof repaired and the inside and the outside of our house painted!

Tonight the hubby and I went out to a nice dinner with the kids (ironic -- a nice dinner with the children right?) and then off to Home Depot to look at a bunch of these:

It soon proved to be a much harder job than anticipated. See I like (no I LOVE) these types of colors:

He likes this type of color:

I can't believe he likes the "cooler" tones. Our entire marriage and houses have always always been done in warm tones. However, he has since changed to the liking of cool tones. Me? Never! I hate change, so I will forever like warm tones. I really really really wish we could paint the entire house in burgundy, but he nearly threw up in his mouth when I asked him for like the 100th time tonight. I think I brought him every shade of it at Home Depot and he just rolled his eyes and said "NO!". He finally told me that burgundy is to close to pink....and he ain't livin' in no pink house.
It was then his turn to pull out all the green. EW! I don't like green. I mean I *hate* green alllllllllll over the house. Maybe in a scrap room, bedroom or bathroom, but not my entire house! Well...unless it is chalk board paint and then I would welcome it! I even begged him to paint the ONE...I will repeat that ONE wall in the hall in chalkboard paint because it would be fun! He said "NO"...figures right? Then he said he would "think about it" which is really man language for "Not a chance in you know where!" So, I took green off the table and said the only way I would consider it is if he put burgundy back on the table. Needless to say green stayed off the table.
We were in agreement over the colors we have selected as samples to put on our walls this weekend. It was more comical than anything else over our disagreement over the colors. I just could not believe how much he did not like burgundy and how much I did not like green. I knew I did not like green, but the way it repulsed me was even amazing to me -- I really don't like it! LOL!
We both, however really like something like this:

Now, on Sunday night this all could change and we end up not liking it, but for today I think we are gonna go with blues and/or browns! Whatcha think?

What Drives You?

I don't know what has come over me the last year, but I have been jonesin' for a new vehicle. Not just any vehicle, but a beautiful Escalade in pearl white!

Why all of the sudden do I seem to care about what I drive? I really have not ever cared before. I always said as long as it is reliable and can get me from point A to point B safely than all is well. Okay, okay, so maybe over the last decade I have required A/C (I live in the dessert so I really need it) and a radio, but really I have always been a low maintenance car owner. Well, there was that one time after I graduated from college, got a job and traded in my car for my dream car -- a 1996 green Mustang!

However, I happily traded it in two years later for my mini van because my little baby's car seat did not fit in it. I did not even drive it around the block to say good bye. I just handed my husband the keys and said "Trade it in." I remember my Father-in-law asking me if that is really what I wanted to do because I could just as easily put it up on blocks and get a new car. No, not I. Yes it was my dream car, but God had blessed me with a beautiful family and it just did not matter anymore.

So why this last year have I been wanting a new vehicle? The reasons are really rather superficial and...well....wrong! I feel like I am 35 and my time of scraping by for money to live has passed. Or it should be passed! LOL! I have made right financial choices in my life and am married to a successful business man. Our lifestyle really fits that of an Escilade. I sometimes feel awkward when I drive around the neighborhood in my "Mom" Mobil. It never bothered my before, but for some reason I just feel like I am to old for it. I feel as though I have arrived to adulthood and need to drive accordingly. I need a car that is responsible, classy, and sophisticated.
I then start to look at the economy and just how blessed we have been through it all. See, we live off of commission and have managed to keep a roof over our heads, lights on, and food in our bellies. Not only that, but we have two vehicles that are completely paid for. We have felt the sting of the economy. We don't have a yard guy, pool guy, or house keeper anymore.I am on a fairly stirct budget and often have to juggle when and what to get on a shopping list. We are not able to get routine hair cuts like usual and the kids clothes take a bit more abuse than they used to. However, I have been able to stay at home and home school my eldest son. In a society where Mom and Dad have to work I don't. In fact, I am quite certain that working is not what God wants me to do right now and in obedience we have been provided for. Actually, in mercy and grace we have been provided for because truth be told I have not always been obedient.
I then start to think about how God has provided me with the perfect car for the children and I. We have had it for 6 1/2 years and have only needed to do one major repair on it that was $740. The A/C still works and it gets me around town. Actually it has gotten me not only around town, but all around the west of the U.S! So, although I would like to get my Escilade some day I will cherish my vehicle that I have now. I will proudly drive my "Mom" Mobil and be thankful for the blessing of my needs being met by owning it. So here it is. This is my vehicle:

However, if any of you would like to purchase an Escilade for my family and I, I would gladly accept it! LOL!

Weigh In

I did not pull a big number this week. In fact, it was not even a pound! However, I am really happy with it! I know that seems crazy, but it is true! I am happy with my 0.4 weight loss. That is an overall loss of 10.8.

Why am I happy with just a 0.4 loss? Wasn't my goal at least 2.5? Yes, it was. However, I failed to look at the calender last week when I set that number as my goal.

Hmmmm....how can I say this in a tasteful lady like manner......

Thinking......thinking......and there really is no way other than to just come out with it. If you have not figured it out, I am transparent. What you read is what I am and what you see is what you get. So, here goes...more transparency.

I am a woman (duh, right?). I have birthed three babies (2 of which were over 10 pounds AND I did it naturally). My menstrual cycle is like clock work. I ovulate at the exact same time every month and 3 days before I ovulate I get a zit or two on my neck. I crave certain foods a week before I start my period (there I said it--period. Read it again PERIOD. Other terms include "The Read Sea" and "Aunt Flo", but we won't call it that because that is juvenile. I could say menstruate, but truth be told I am not quite sure if I am spelling that correctly and am afraid spell checker will miss it.) and I don't want to eat much about two days after I end it. I am truly a woman in all regards. My hormones dictate a lot of what I want to eat, how I feel, and (here is the clincher) how I retain water.

With all of that being said this is my heavy time of the month. Usually I am up three pounds for the next five days. I am so happy that I was able to still lose something. Now, I am not gonna deduct that three pounds that I usually have on me right now. I am strictly going with what the scale says. Otherwise it turns into a guessing game and I am not gonna even start to play that.

So, there you have it...or perhaps I have it. I lost 0.4 pounds last week.....0.4 glorious pounds!

A Sour Tummy and Sore Feet

This weekend I have had a sour tummy and I woke up this morning to some very sore feet. No, they are not sore because of my "Hooker" heels that I wore yesterday. LOL! So why am I posting about this? We all are sick from time to time. No big deal.

Well.....

It is Sunday and that means time for church.

No, this is not my church now, however it once was my home church. In fact, that church is the church that my Grandparents were married in back in the 1940's AND the church I grew up in. It is a Baptist church that was, at one time, in a very good area. However, over the years that area turned into the slums....the ghetto. Yep, I grew up in the ghetto. However, my heart still swells with love when I see a picture of this church....the church that I found the Lord in.

I was watching a rerun of CSI a few nights ago and one of the characters said something about turning to religion during the 11th hour. I had to stop and ponder that statment because up until about 3 years ago I was always "religious". Like, I had a strong belief and moral code that was grounded in my faith. I became a Christian at the age of 3 and never had issues with it...until three years ago in which I basically walked away from God. See, three years ago I would have thought that was my 11th hour, so why did I turn my back on my Creator? I am not gonna get into the specifics of that in this post. However, I will say that I have made an about face and am back in a love relationship with God.

But, what about the first 30 years of my faith? I did not find God in my 11th hour...I mean I was only 3! That is hardly an 11th hour! I then reflected on my upbringing and I discovered that my childhood and adolescence was indeed an 11th hour. In the first 18 years of my life I went through 3 divorces with my mom, poverty, and abuse. The only thing I had that was constant and always there was my faith. So, why was it in my adult life, when I reached the 11th hour, did I not cling to God even more?

I felt like God had failed me is why.

I had always done the "right" thing and for the first time in my life the "right" thing allowed a grave injustice to be done to me. I was mad. I was angry and I felt like God burned me so I walked away and did things according to how I saw fit. In the world's view I was justified. Heck, according some in the church I was justified. However my heart was not right.

After three years I have turned back to God. Not in my 11th hour, but in perhaps what could be considered my 1st adult hour. Three months ago I was so looking for an excuse not to go to church and sore feet and sour tummy would have been a great reason! A reason that even people in the church would say was justifiable. However, I knew that I needed to go today. I had no fever. I am not contagious. True, I could not get dressed up (something I love doing on Sunday morning. That goes back to my childhood. We could not afford much, but my Mom always made sure I had something pretty to wear to church. To this day I like to dress up for Sunday church.). I could not even wear flats, but tennis shoes. So, I put on a sweater, jeans, and sneakers and went to church. I am glad I did because the sermon was on something I desperately needed to hear -- having a body that the Holy Spirit can dwell in. It could not have hit closer to home. I am so glad that I was able to move past my sour tummy and sore feet to be in the presence of my God. Yes my feet and tummy are still bothersome, but it does not matter because I have been spiritually fed and renewed.

Coming Out of the Closet

My shoes are coming out of the closet -- literally! Why am I talking about shoes? Well I have bit of thing for shoes. I *heart* shoes! It is amazing that I don't have more shoes considering how much of a crush I have on them. I am of the opinion that you can tell a lot about a person based on their shoes. For the most part the last decade I have spent in sneaker and flip flops. My main job is "MOM" and with that there is a certain dress code. Sneakers and flip flops are on most Mom's dress code.

I can't help but reflect in the years past that I would wear heels, strappy sexy sandals, and wedges everyday. Heck, I used to be able to run in them! Now...I am lucky if I can just run!

Getting back to the topic at hand -- Shoes. The older I have gotten and the more weight I have put on I notice that I dress more for comfort than anything else. Now, this is not a bad thing. I have always dressed for comfort, but what was comfortable ten years ago is not so much anymore. Ten years I lived in sun dresses and high heeled sandals for the most part. Fast forward to today I live in jeans and Tee shirts....basically because it is hard to cross your legs once you reach a certain size. If I can't cross my legs than I sure don't be needing to wear a dress or skirt! Ewwww!

Anyways, one of the things I have been working on the last few years is meting myself where I am today. I do take good care of my appearance...or at least I like the way I look and dress, but I have been missing my shoes...my hot shoes! In December I made a commitment to get back to my love -- shoes. I bought three new pairs. Unfortunately, for the most part, they have been sitting in my closet collecting dust. I decided that maybe I needed to start small, so I committed to wearing flats and that has worked, but my itch for the "sexy" heels and boots needed to be scratched so today I came out of the closet in my black platform nail head heels.

Let's take a closer look at my love -- shoes:

This is where I keep my seasonal shoes. Right now I have my fall and winter selection, but in about 6 weeks I will be swapping them out for my spring and summer collection.

Oh, but that is not all of them:

See the gray boots over on the end? Aren't those hot? I got those in December and have worn them 2 times out. Every time I do I feel goooooooood.

I thought I was done....I did not think I had anymore stashes of shoes until I turned around and saw this basket:

I forgot about my collection of flip flops. You know the shoes that are on my "MOM" dress code. How could I forget about these? I live in my flip flops! Look at them! Aren't they cute with the pink, polka dot, bling, and Victoria Secret ones. Sigh....I can't wait until summer so I can wear these again!

Oops.....I forgot about the basket that we keep downstairs full of shoes. Granted not all of these are mine, but a good amount are:


What is the point of all this talk about "shoes". I just think that in the morning when I get out of bed if I want to wear my hot black heels or my hooker grey boots I should. I mean who is gonna care? True, I am relearning how to walk in them, but the best way to do that is to put on my feet and do just that -- walk in them. It may not always be practical, but what would be the fun in that? Sometimes in life it is fun to do the impractical.

Today, I ventured out of my house to run errands and I wore my black nail head platform heels. Yep I went to the post office in them. I then went to Subway in them. AND I even grocery shopped in them! Here is proof:

Do you know what happened? It forced me to walk slower, thus taking in my surroundings and really making my outing kind of fun. Who knew that heels would have such an impact?

My point with this is far greater than shoes. I do have a deeper meaning to this whole discussion of shoes and that is instead of waiting to get to a certain size before can wearing pretty things just do it now. No better time than the present. It all goes back to living in the moment. Not only that, but I am far more successful on my "diet" when I feel good about myself -- shoes help me feel good! What makes you feel good? I challenge you do to it or wear it and see what happens.

Ever Feel Like This?

I jumped on the scale today...just for a check. I know it was stupid to do now....after the fact. I mean my weight in day is on Monday. I don't want to get into the psychological reasons on why I decided to check the scale because it is done. I did it. Now I just need to move on and deal with the thoughts I had after I saw that number......that number that has not changed!!!!! Grrrrr.....

In the past when I would see something on the scale I did not want to see I would throw in the towel.

Jump Ship.

Fall of the Wagon.

Make a batch of brownies and eat the whole pan along with a pint of Ben an Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. Yeah, I just admitted that I would do that. For real! No kidding. Shameless I know, right?

This time is different.

This time I am gonna do it.

I am gonna make it.

That is right, my head is on straight and my attitude is strong. I have a will and when I have a will I make a way -- even if that means taking a cannon and blowing a huge destructive hole in a wall that dares to stand in my way!

So, what do I do? First I tell myself "you are a complete moron for jumping on the scale! Don't do that again! If it ain't Monday it ain't weigh in day!"

Next, I pat myself on the back for not gaining anything. In my mind what a no change on the scale means is that what I lost I really did indeed lose! Yay!

Then, I find the reasons on why this is happening....or maybe I should call them "excuses". Really. Are they really "reasons"? I don't know about you, but my reasons are really just another way of saying "excuses". Oh, and I have the bestest reasons of them all! My reasons are medical! Yeah, my doctors (not one, but a whole team of them) agree that I have a medical condition that makes weight loss darn near impossible and slow at it's best. See I have "Thyroid disease" AND (yep, I have more than 1 reason --- woo-hoo! I am epic failure waiting to happen and people have to pity me because of it!) "Metabolic Syndrome". There it is.

That is it.

End of story.

Now, please please please let a PHat chick live in peace and give me my brownies that I can go eat quietly in my leather recliner watching my big screen HD TV that is set on "Desperate Housewives of Beverley Hills".

Wait.

That is not gonna work for me this time.

After all Champions don't use excuses.

I am a champion and I will win at this game!

Back to the reason on why I maintained and did not lose. I am really looking for a reason. Not an excuse disguised at a reason, but a reason. I think I finally figured out the difference between the two. A reason is something that I can fix. Something I can put my finger on and yell "hey, you are doing this and that is gonna stop!" An excuse is the reason you give for throwing in the towel. A reason is something that you find and then change.

My reason can be found in my food journal. The funny thing is it is a simple fix. See the last few days I have been drinking waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy tooooooooooooooo much diet soda and not enough water. I also have had some rather high in sodium foods. I know enough about my body to know that I swell with sodium and blow up like a bloat fish. So, instead of passing the brownies I am gonna pass on the diet soda and salt!

I am not gonna worry about if that does or does not work right now. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. "Tomorrow has enough worries of it's own" according to the Good book. What I can find today is wrong with my diet is sodium. My points are good and I feel great. The only thing broken in my system is sodium. I am not gonna fix something that is not broken, so I will concentrate on lower sodium and that is NO MORE DIET COKE! ;-)

Wow! That was a lot of effort and emotional garbage to get through just for stupid "Diet Coke". However, it is done. Over. Finished. I am good to go, so bye for now!

Reflections

I am still in the baby stage of my health and fitness journey and by no means an expert on any "diet" or "exercise" plan. I have no formal education on any of it. I am just an average 30 something American woman. I am posting the following based on my experiences.

I was watching the local news a few weeks back and a physical trainer was on. The interviewer asked him what program really works. I was quite shocked at his answer. He did not talk about the program his gym recommended or the health benefits of vitamins, protein shakes, and premade meals that he got a kick back on when they sold. Nope. He did not mention any of that. However, the answer that he gave will be forever etched in my memory.

He said: The program that works is the program that you will do.

Let me say it again only using myself in the statement: The program that works is the program that I will do.

How right he is! This is not the first diet that I have ever gone on. I started dieting at the tender age of 12. I am fairly certain that I have been on over 25 diets in my lifetime and each, for the most part, produced results. However, the one that I have always been comfortable with, the one that I have had greatest success on, the one that makes sense in my world, the one that I can stick to, is the one I am doing now. This diet plan has been my fall back pretty much from the get go. I have no intention of switching it up. Or at least not at the moment. I may switch it up if it stops working (then is it really the program that failed or me that failed at the program?).

My point is if you want to lose weight (for whatever reasons)than find the program that makes the most sense for your life. No matter what program one does he/she must stick to it in order for it to work ;-)

Champions

This is gonna be quick. Fast. Short post. Right here. Right now.

I was watching "Biggest Loser Tonight" (I know, I know, those of you that know so much about health and nutrition don't agree on this show, but I like it and find it inspiring.....nuff said) and found a new favorite quote. I must post it so I don't forget it. Here it is:

"A CHAMPION DOESN'T MAKE EXCUSES ON WHY THEY CAN'T DO SOMETHING."

More Loss and Lessons Learned

I am now well into week 2 (it really is 17 days) and have mixed emotions on the number I pulled this last week. My goal was to get out of certain digits which I did (barely), however I am a little angry with myself because I know I could have done better :-( Let me back track and talk a little bit about some of the "enlightening moments" I had last week.

I was checking my mail one afternoon and saw my neighbor with his AC guy outside. I asked him what was going on and he told me that since he is now retired and totally bored he thought it would be entertaining to have his insurance adjuster come out and see if there was any damage done by our last hail storm that he can claim. He ended up with $12,000 worth of repairs. He then told me that our neighbor across the street was able to claim $14,000. Naturally this got me thinking and as you can imagine a call was made to our insurance agency. To make a long story short our house has been hit and we have been awarded $20,000 worth of repairs. The repairs include: two new windows, new screens, two new AC units, roof repair, and the outside and inside of our house painted.

I am soooo happy about getting the house fixed (don't get me wrong, it does not look like a complete train wreck, but our AC units have been on their last leg for some time!), however the stress involved is something that I must learn how to manage and could sabotage my weight loss efforts. I did not even realize how OCD I was until I found out just what had to be repaired and I could not eat my stress away.

Side note: from here on out please pray for my family because the emotional roller coaster they have had to live with this week has not been healthy for anyone.

So, getting back to my story, did I mention that I am having a few of my gal pals fly in from around the country to spend a scrapbooking weekend at my house at the end of Feb? I also homeschool and can not teach out of the house when the roof is being repaired (to loud) or the house painted (to many fumes). My stress level and wanting to eat started to rise when I started sorting all of this out in my head.

Then to top it off, I had a break down in communication with my sister and that was the hair that broke the camel's back. I did not go off the diet per say, but I could have made a lot better choice. However, the whole week did shed some light on some of my underlying issues and now I can work on them.

1) I thrive in routine and structure.
2) I want people to get along.

Now, that I have recognized those I can deal with it -- that is a good thing, right? I am still sorting through my first issue. The best thing I have come up with is that I need to accept that life can not always be planned (I had a few contractors that I had to deal with this week that came while I was teaching. So, guess what? I am beating myself up for not being a "better" teacher/mom because our day was interrupted. How messed up is that?). In the mean time as a short term fix I have plans to take Logan and myself to the library when the work is being done and learning there. I also accepted how I am (even if the rest of the world thinks it is crazy...it is who I am and I can't live in my body if I try to conform to society)and made a commitment to not schedule things during school hours. I am not bending over backwards and sacrificing my child's education or my peace of mind to be more convenient for another person or company anymore. After all, these contractors are gonna make bank off of us, so they need to do what is in my family's best interest.

Regarding the second issue....sigh....I wish I could say that is all sorted out. I thought it was, but come to find out it is not and I have just got to accept the fact that sometimes people are just going to find the wrong in things and believe what they want to believe. No matter what I do to rectify the situation or deal with it they are just gonna think what they are gonna think and that is on them....not me. I am done apologizing for assumptions made off of something that was not meant (and in some cases even said). If something that I say or do is hurtful than of course I will try to right the wrong. However, if an apology is made and the person does not respond the way I think they should (there is my OCD nature coming out again) than it is okay for me to be done with the topic at hand and move on....that is on them.

I must applaud you if you managed to sit here and read this huge blog entry. Why have you stuck through this whole thing? Oh, right! You want to know if I failed miserably this week or was successful. Well here it is:

I lost 2.4 pounds this week. That brings my total loss to 10.2. I have 69.8 pounds to go until I reach my goal.

Now that I have had the opportunity and taken the time to sort through this I am determined to do better this upcoming week. I want to pull more than 2.5 pounds. I will pull more than 2.5 pounds!

Three Cheers for my Little Cheerleader!

Look at this cute little sassy thing:

This is my little Annie and she is eight. Every day at lunch her and her friends put together cheers and dances. You can only imagine her excitement when she was invited to attend a cheer clinic at the H.S. with real cheerleaders!

The cheer clinic was held from 9:00 - 12:00. She was so cute and really into it. I am thankful for this opportunity for her to "try it out" before we get committed into it and then have her say "Mom, I really don't like this...." She will be cheering at the basketball game next Friday night!

I also had an opportunity to talk to some of the moms of the cheerleaders and they all recommended that I get her into dance. The dance academy they recommended is right by my house! Sweet! After practice today we grabbed a bite to eat, found a new scrapbook store (well new to us) and then visited the dance academy. It looks like she will be taking dance and perhaps me too????

Now, for a not very good transition........

Last night I went from this:

To this:

I am sorry folks, but I tried to go back to more of my natural color, but at the end of the day I much prefer myself blond so that is what I am sticking with. Plus it hides all my greys. Isn't that what it is all about? Hiding greys? LOL!

I have my weigh in on Monday so stay tuned. I had quite a bit to say about this journey I am on, but am still processing it and forming my thoughts. Honestly, I also am tired of posting "this is so hard" and "woe is me and my sufferings". I am not a sad person and my last few post have been bummers and I just don't want anymore bummer post for awhile. KWIM?

See you on Monday :-D

This is Me in the Raw....Being Real...and Dealing with Some Hard Truths

Today has been a tough day. My sister and I had a bit of a falling out over something really stupid. Instead of shrugging my shoulders and not talking about it I did and that was uncomfortable. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. Well, I am glad we dealt with it because it was a huge huge misunderstanding. Like we really did not understand at all. So it is resolved, but it got me thinking about some underlying issues. Issues that I did not even know existed. Those issues have to do with the fact that I am comfortable in my own skin. Like I am used to seeing myself everyday. I am my friendly face and I know what I will see in the mirror. I know who I am and I find comfort in that. Here are a few pictures of me over the last three or so years:





Well with all of that being said (and seen) this is an E-mail I sent her today. I opened up a lot more than I am comfortable with. Like I don't want anyone to know these dark deep secrets. My thought in posting it here is that I can get further clarity and deal with it even more. This is tough. This is raw. Here it is:

I gotta admit with all of this I see how not ready I am to in some regards. Like the comment about "clothes" that was made (not by you). Do you know that comment completely freaked me out? I *love* my clothes and often times have not lost weight or attempted it because I would have to get new clothes. I like my stores (Lane Bryant and Torrid). I know where to go and what size to get and what will look good. It sounds stupid, but the fact that I have been looking at me in this skin...in this fat..for so many years it is just "me". Having to watch this body transform is going to be hard because I don't know what that is going to be at the end. My OCD tendencies don't like being out of control and for the next year or two that is exactly what is going to happen. I noticed today as I was walking back from the kids' school that I felt more "jiggly". Then I put on my real clothes for the day and did not like the skin I saw and just where it was flapping. My skin has to catch up with my weight loss because I had lost the initial so quickly. See, in my world I would rather look fat and young then skinny and old. I must confess that I have fallen off the wagon today because of it. Not horribly bad like I still ate a healthy lunch and did the protein shake for breakfast, but I did just eat banana with peanut butter (that is so not on my point allowance!). I am "grounding" myself until church tonight. I really want a Starbucks but I know that if I go I will go by DQ or Sonic and will pick up a blizzard. Right now....at this very moment....I don't want to lose weight. I want to stay fat. I want to stay in control. I want to stay comfortable. I just don't want to change. That is what I want right now. However, I also have enough wisdom in this game I play with myself to know that if I do totally go off the wagon (I can recover from a banana with peanut butter -- oh and I even measured the peanut butter! LOL!) then I will be off of it for weeks and I will kick myself and then get mad at myself, so I will "ground" myself and try not to kill my family :-)

Panties in a Knot

Just a small suggestion. It really is ever so slight. Really. It is such a tiny suggestion, yet will have a huge impact on those you care about the most. When someone comes to you with good news please just say something like "that is great!" or "way to go" or "I am proud of you". Please don't turn it into an opportunity to express your view on the problems you see with a program, someone, or something. It really dampens the success of others and hurts feelings. Then, if it brought to your attention that this was done don't turn it into an opportunity to be a victim.

Opinions are like butt holes -- we all have them and often times the air that comes out of them is just stinky ;-(

Thanks for letting me get that out and my small vent.

xoxo

Such a Loser!

Yippee for me! Guess what? I lost 7.8 pounds since Jan. 1! Woo-hoo! Do you know what else is so great? I lost 5 inches! I am shocked about the inches! Of course I lost 1.5 in my chest (that is not an area I want to lose in!) and hips. I only lost .5 inches in my waist :-( I really want to lose it there the most, but I am happy overall!

With all of that being said there are some areas that I want to improve on. I have come up with this weeks goal to help me along the way to overall health and wellness. For this week I am going to work on exercise! I am going to walk my kids to school and home (a total of 40 minutes a day of walking) 5 days this week. I am also going to challenge my dear daughter to a dance competition 4 times this week using "Just Dance" on the Wii. I am pretty sure that accomplishing these two things will make my week successful! :-)

Please stay tuned!

C & C in Scottsdale AZ

Last month our uncle posted on his wall over on Face book that he was going to something called C & C in Scottsdale (Coffee and Cars) and put up an open invitation. We could not go last month, but we could go this month and we did! It was a lot of fun and really cool to see the rarest cars out there! Jeff (uncle) owns a few Lamborghinis (the one he brought this time was his silver Diablo) and (I think) one of the original car owners to start C & C in Scottsdale. I must confess that his car was the coolest one there :-P Here are a few pictures of the cars we found cool at C & C:

This is a motorcycle that has a JET engine on it! When this thing fired up it sounded like a jet plane....no joke! So cool!


This is the plug for a new electric sports car! San Francisco is where they are designing these cars. Apparently they are silent and can go 210 miles before needing to be plugged in. It then take 6 hours to charges with this plug...or 12 or 14 hours with another type of plug????

Loving the flames on this car! Then, when you lifted the hood there was an amazing dragon tattoo looking painting....actually there were two!

A few of our favorites:







I think this is that electric car I was telling you about:


One of my favorites!

If you live in AZ or are in the Scottsdale area the first Saturday of every weekend check this event out! It is free and really really neat. The car owners are super nice and there is a "Coffee Bean" on sight! It is on the southeast corner of Doubletree and Scottsdale Rd from 9:00 - 11:00.
Thanks for checking in on my blog :-)

McDonald's Apple Pie

I know it has been forever since I have been on this blog. I even thought I would just let it go, but I have made a commitment to shed 80 pounds and need a place to talk about my journey -- which is really my life. So here I am. I am back. I have debated on if I would start talking about my diet this time around so soon, but I am afraid I am gonna go crazy if I don't record my thoughts and feelings. So here I am. I am doing the old WW point counter program. Basically, because I know how it works, it has worked for me in the past and I don't have to invest any money in it because I already own it. I am happy to say that I have been doing great on it. I have lost 7 pounds so far (73 more to go!). However I am having struggles and I just had a break through today. I sent the following PM to my WW partner (gal pal from HS) on FB. Hahahahaha.....PM, WW, and FB all in one sentence and to think you know exactly what I am talking about (FB Face book, PM personal message, and WW Weight Watchers....sorry I just chased a rabbit....anyways, back to the PM I sent my friend. Here it is:

I don't know about you, but I am really hungry and only have 12 points left for the day! Why 12 points? Well because I knew we were going to go out to eat and I wanted to save as many as I could. I would have more points, but my kids wanted to go to McDonald's for lunch.....well....actually I promised them McDonald's. So, I had it figured that I would use 6 points on the grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo and a large diet coke. Which I did! I did my usual protein shake for breakfast and that would have left me 18 points for dinner out tonight. I decided to be nice and buy my kids an apple pie because they were on sale and I was trying to be nice. So, what does my little one say? "Mom I don't want the apple pie. Sorry." I tried to give it to my oldest and he said he was full. DO you know that I almost sat there and begged my child to eat it so I would not throw it away or eat it myself?!?!?! How messed up is that! Luckily, I caught that crazy line of thought and turned the frustration that my kids would not eat it into happiness that my child was listening to his body and not over eat ting. So, what do I do? Well, I could not let the darn pie go to waste....after all I spent a whole 50 cents on it so I did what every fat penny pinching chick would do....I ate it. And do you know what? I don't even like their apple pie! I just ate it so it would not go to waste (my heart diseased ridden mother would be so proud!) true now it will go to waste on my hips...but not really because I calculated the darn points for the Flipping pie and deducted it from my day -- it was 6. So, not only have I been hungry alllllllll flippin day, but I don't get as good of a dinner as I hoped and will be hungry all night too :-( But at least I am staying on this damn diet! I better have a big number on Monday.......just sayin!

Thanks for letting me vent. Now go back to your regularly scheduled FB ;-)

Until next time......

I totally know why there is a saying "Skinny Bitches!" They are so hungry!