So, what is this "From God" jazz? As you know, I have three children. My first baby was a baby that we tried to have for a few years. I even had to have surgery to get pregnant with him. Finally, when it happened I was overjoyed and my tears were just that -- joyful! Logan is my guy who has a sweet spirit and is just a big love. He is easy tempered and just a dream of a child and I love him tons!
Our second baby was born a little earlier than I had planned. I know, can we really ever plan our children? No, but I was still in my 20's and had a plan. However, after a night of passion in California with my husband (on my Mom's bathroom floor of all places...TMI?) when Logan was 10 months old -- and my mom downstairs watching Logan -- we conceived my daughter. I cried when I found out I was pregnant with her, but they were tears of fear. See, the memory of the long back labor I had with Logan (2 days I was in labor with no epidural and by the time I got it, it was to late)was far to fresh in my mind still. I was not fearful of becoming a mommy to two children -- but the process of bringing this child into the world. Who ever said that you forget the pain of labor must have been a man because to this day -- 10.5 years later I still remember the pain of birthing Logan. That is something I don't think I will ever forget! Anyways, getting back to Annie -- baby number 2, once she was born I was overwhelmed with emotion. Our life at that time was pretty darn good and it all went smooth. She is truly the all American girl that I always wanted. She can fish, hike, camp, and still loves her frills and dolls!
Then there is Parker....Parker was not planned. In fact, after Annie we were done with adding to our family. We had two sweet natured children who were a pleasure to be around and beautiful -- boy were they some (and still are) some attractive kids. People used to stop me where ever we were out to tell me how gorgeous my kids were and oh so well behaved. I found out we were pregnant with Parker because I had been on a diet and gained two inches in my waist. I went to my doctor to find out what the heck was going on. She then told me in about 8 months I would be a mother --again. I cried. No -- not tears of fear, but joy. However, I also was miffed at how I was suppose to handle three children -- this was not in the plans we had -- I had for my life.
My pregnancy with Parker was by far the hardest pregnancy out of all of them. I was sick and tired alot, plus the hubby was concerned that our house would not be suitable for three children and we sold it only to move into a house in which we rented two 10 by 10 rooms for all of us. We lived there until three weeks after Parker was born. Not to mention that, but the children were under 2.5 years old. It was really hard. Parker also was active and big (we had him a week early and he was 10.8 pounds) inside of me. He used to like to stretch and knock the wind out of me and make me want to pee my pants all at the same time. The doctor would tell me I had a "spit fire" on my hands because he was just difficult before he was born. Then came the labor and delivery in which I had complications. Plus, once you have three children the sympathy from others is just not there. Everyone figures you can handle it, so help was few and far between.
When Parker was three weeks old I took him to get his newborn pictures. I saw a tag that said "From God" and started crying right then and there because God spoke to my heart at that time and let me know that Parker was indeed from him. So I had this picture taken of him to always remind me that he is indeed our special gift (I had to take this picture from our wall because I don't have it in my hard drive, so please excuse the quality, but you get the drift):
It did not stop there though. God continued to speak through this child to me -- my hardest child too! He has to push the line and do things his way. He can be sassy and just does not know when to stop. Of all of my children for God to use this one by far is the unlikely one by the world's standards.
DO you want to know what else God has done through this child? Don't get me wrong, God has used and will use all of my children. However, God used this child for two things in my life.
In year ten of my marriage it fell apart. I had to take steps to get myself in a position to provide for myself and my children. I enrolled in my Master's program, went back to work, and had to draw a hard line with many people in my life for protection. It was by far the worst time of my life and it got to me. It shook me to the core. I started to live for myself. All I cared about was my kids and me. The rest of the world -- and God -- could take a flying leap.
I had been hurt.
Burned.
Mistreated.
There was no way I was ever going to allow that to happen again, so instead of falling on my knees and crying out to God that I did not know why what had happened had happened considering that I had been following Him and did nothing wrong, but would trust him to protect me, I turned by back on God and my husband. My husband had done me wrong and God had allowed it, why would I want anything to do with either of them? So, I headed down the path towards divorce. Charlie and I were separated. I moved to another section of the house and he did his own laundry.
One morning (about 18 months into our separation) Parker crawled in bed with me to cuddle and twirl my hair (it is one of his favorite past times -- playing with my hair). This was a typical morning routine for us and I so looked forward to our morning snuggles and hugs before the day. This morning he did his usual than bounced out of bed and said "be right back mom. I need to go cuddle with Dad." He then sighed and turned around, looked at me in the eye, and said as matter as a fact as he could "it sure would make it easier if you two were in the same room! This makes me tired." Then he left and I laid in bed and contemplated where my life was going and what the heck was I doing. It was then and only then that I started to think about reconciliation with Charlie. It was not like Charlie had not begged me to change my mind -- he had -- over and over and over again. He even changed his behaviour, got help, and "really" became a Christian. It took my 5 year old to get through to me. So, Parker was used to save my marriage.
So, that is it right? That is the gift right there -- a saved marriage, right? Not quite. See, the next thing he did was even more profound than that. This was truly God using my son as a tool. In the process of my marriage falling apart I stopped all relationships with God and the church. I did not attend church, would not open a Bible, and praying (other than telling God how angry I was at him and cursing him out). However, I did make sure that my kids were in church every week. I went to Charlie in tears and told him that I was sick spiritually and did not want the kids to ever have this kind of relationship with God that I did and that he had to step up and be their spiritual leader. I could not do it anymore.
One day I was reading Logan and Parker "Diary of a Wimpy Kid". Parker interrupted the story (which got him in trouble) and asked if he could say a prayer. I told him of course he could pray and he asked if I would pray to by closing my eyes. I told him I would (you know to humor him). I thought he would pray for hot dogs for dinner or a new Wii game, but instead he asked Jesus into him heart. That is right, my son became a Christian and his heart felt little prayer was the most humbling thing I had ever heard. All three of my children were saved. All of them finally had their eternity sealed and secured. Even my little spit fire of a guy was saved. It was then and only then did I just see how vast and deep and wonderful God is. It was then that I came back to Christ. God used my kid to not only save my marriage but also to save me!
So....Parker truly is a gift from God and I think he is my special gift. True, he is a gift to our family, but I am pretty sure that as God knit this child together in my womb he was making him especially for me -- to teach me, grow me, and save me from myself!
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