What Drives You?

I don't know what has come over me the last year, but I have been jonesin' for a new vehicle. Not just any vehicle, but a beautiful Escalade in pearl white!

Why all of the sudden do I seem to care about what I drive? I really have not ever cared before. I always said as long as it is reliable and can get me from point A to point B safely than all is well. Okay, okay, so maybe over the last decade I have required A/C (I live in the dessert so I really need it) and a radio, but really I have always been a low maintenance car owner. Well, there was that one time after I graduated from college, got a job and traded in my car for my dream car -- a 1996 green Mustang!

However, I happily traded it in two years later for my mini van because my little baby's car seat did not fit in it. I did not even drive it around the block to say good bye. I just handed my husband the keys and said "Trade it in." I remember my Father-in-law asking me if that is really what I wanted to do because I could just as easily put it up on blocks and get a new car. No, not I. Yes it was my dream car, but God had blessed me with a beautiful family and it just did not matter anymore.

So why this last year have I been wanting a new vehicle? The reasons are really rather superficial and...well....wrong! I feel like I am 35 and my time of scraping by for money to live has passed. Or it should be passed! LOL! I have made right financial choices in my life and am married to a successful business man. Our lifestyle really fits that of an Escilade. I sometimes feel awkward when I drive around the neighborhood in my "Mom" Mobil. It never bothered my before, but for some reason I just feel like I am to old for it. I feel as though I have arrived to adulthood and need to drive accordingly. I need a car that is responsible, classy, and sophisticated.
I then start to look at the economy and just how blessed we have been through it all. See, we live off of commission and have managed to keep a roof over our heads, lights on, and food in our bellies. Not only that, but we have two vehicles that are completely paid for. We have felt the sting of the economy. We don't have a yard guy, pool guy, or house keeper anymore.I am on a fairly stirct budget and often have to juggle when and what to get on a shopping list. We are not able to get routine hair cuts like usual and the kids clothes take a bit more abuse than they used to. However, I have been able to stay at home and home school my eldest son. In a society where Mom and Dad have to work I don't. In fact, I am quite certain that working is not what God wants me to do right now and in obedience we have been provided for. Actually, in mercy and grace we have been provided for because truth be told I have not always been obedient.
I then start to think about how God has provided me with the perfect car for the children and I. We have had it for 6 1/2 years and have only needed to do one major repair on it that was $740. The A/C still works and it gets me around town. Actually it has gotten me not only around town, but all around the west of the U.S! So, although I would like to get my Escilade some day I will cherish my vehicle that I have now. I will proudly drive my "Mom" Mobil and be thankful for the blessing of my needs being met by owning it. So here it is. This is my vehicle:

However, if any of you would like to purchase an Escilade for my family and I, I would gladly accept it! LOL!

Weigh In

I did not pull a big number this week. In fact, it was not even a pound! However, I am really happy with it! I know that seems crazy, but it is true! I am happy with my 0.4 weight loss. That is an overall loss of 10.8.

Why am I happy with just a 0.4 loss? Wasn't my goal at least 2.5? Yes, it was. However, I failed to look at the calender last week when I set that number as my goal.

Hmmmm....how can I say this in a tasteful lady like manner......

Thinking......thinking......and there really is no way other than to just come out with it. If you have not figured it out, I am transparent. What you read is what I am and what you see is what you get. So, here goes...more transparency.

I am a woman (duh, right?). I have birthed three babies (2 of which were over 10 pounds AND I did it naturally). My menstrual cycle is like clock work. I ovulate at the exact same time every month and 3 days before I ovulate I get a zit or two on my neck. I crave certain foods a week before I start my period (there I said it--period. Read it again PERIOD. Other terms include "The Read Sea" and "Aunt Flo", but we won't call it that because that is juvenile. I could say menstruate, but truth be told I am not quite sure if I am spelling that correctly and am afraid spell checker will miss it.) and I don't want to eat much about two days after I end it. I am truly a woman in all regards. My hormones dictate a lot of what I want to eat, how I feel, and (here is the clincher) how I retain water.

With all of that being said this is my heavy time of the month. Usually I am up three pounds for the next five days. I am so happy that I was able to still lose something. Now, I am not gonna deduct that three pounds that I usually have on me right now. I am strictly going with what the scale says. Otherwise it turns into a guessing game and I am not gonna even start to play that.

So, there you have it...or perhaps I have it. I lost 0.4 pounds last week.....0.4 glorious pounds!

A Sour Tummy and Sore Feet

This weekend I have had a sour tummy and I woke up this morning to some very sore feet. No, they are not sore because of my "Hooker" heels that I wore yesterday. LOL! So why am I posting about this? We all are sick from time to time. No big deal.

Well.....

It is Sunday and that means time for church.

No, this is not my church now, however it once was my home church. In fact, that church is the church that my Grandparents were married in back in the 1940's AND the church I grew up in. It is a Baptist church that was, at one time, in a very good area. However, over the years that area turned into the slums....the ghetto. Yep, I grew up in the ghetto. However, my heart still swells with love when I see a picture of this church....the church that I found the Lord in.

I was watching a rerun of CSI a few nights ago and one of the characters said something about turning to religion during the 11th hour. I had to stop and ponder that statment because up until about 3 years ago I was always "religious". Like, I had a strong belief and moral code that was grounded in my faith. I became a Christian at the age of 3 and never had issues with it...until three years ago in which I basically walked away from God. See, three years ago I would have thought that was my 11th hour, so why did I turn my back on my Creator? I am not gonna get into the specifics of that in this post. However, I will say that I have made an about face and am back in a love relationship with God.

But, what about the first 30 years of my faith? I did not find God in my 11th hour...I mean I was only 3! That is hardly an 11th hour! I then reflected on my upbringing and I discovered that my childhood and adolescence was indeed an 11th hour. In the first 18 years of my life I went through 3 divorces with my mom, poverty, and abuse. The only thing I had that was constant and always there was my faith. So, why was it in my adult life, when I reached the 11th hour, did I not cling to God even more?

I felt like God had failed me is why.

I had always done the "right" thing and for the first time in my life the "right" thing allowed a grave injustice to be done to me. I was mad. I was angry and I felt like God burned me so I walked away and did things according to how I saw fit. In the world's view I was justified. Heck, according some in the church I was justified. However my heart was not right.

After three years I have turned back to God. Not in my 11th hour, but in perhaps what could be considered my 1st adult hour. Three months ago I was so looking for an excuse not to go to church and sore feet and sour tummy would have been a great reason! A reason that even people in the church would say was justifiable. However, I knew that I needed to go today. I had no fever. I am not contagious. True, I could not get dressed up (something I love doing on Sunday morning. That goes back to my childhood. We could not afford much, but my Mom always made sure I had something pretty to wear to church. To this day I like to dress up for Sunday church.). I could not even wear flats, but tennis shoes. So, I put on a sweater, jeans, and sneakers and went to church. I am glad I did because the sermon was on something I desperately needed to hear -- having a body that the Holy Spirit can dwell in. It could not have hit closer to home. I am so glad that I was able to move past my sour tummy and sore feet to be in the presence of my God. Yes my feet and tummy are still bothersome, but it does not matter because I have been spiritually fed and renewed.

Coming Out of the Closet

My shoes are coming out of the closet -- literally! Why am I talking about shoes? Well I have bit of thing for shoes. I *heart* shoes! It is amazing that I don't have more shoes considering how much of a crush I have on them. I am of the opinion that you can tell a lot about a person based on their shoes. For the most part the last decade I have spent in sneaker and flip flops. My main job is "MOM" and with that there is a certain dress code. Sneakers and flip flops are on most Mom's dress code.

I can't help but reflect in the years past that I would wear heels, strappy sexy sandals, and wedges everyday. Heck, I used to be able to run in them! Now...I am lucky if I can just run!

Getting back to the topic at hand -- Shoes. The older I have gotten and the more weight I have put on I notice that I dress more for comfort than anything else. Now, this is not a bad thing. I have always dressed for comfort, but what was comfortable ten years ago is not so much anymore. Ten years I lived in sun dresses and high heeled sandals for the most part. Fast forward to today I live in jeans and Tee shirts....basically because it is hard to cross your legs once you reach a certain size. If I can't cross my legs than I sure don't be needing to wear a dress or skirt! Ewwww!

Anyways, one of the things I have been working on the last few years is meting myself where I am today. I do take good care of my appearance...or at least I like the way I look and dress, but I have been missing my shoes...my hot shoes! In December I made a commitment to get back to my love -- shoes. I bought three new pairs. Unfortunately, for the most part, they have been sitting in my closet collecting dust. I decided that maybe I needed to start small, so I committed to wearing flats and that has worked, but my itch for the "sexy" heels and boots needed to be scratched so today I came out of the closet in my black platform nail head heels.

Let's take a closer look at my love -- shoes:

This is where I keep my seasonal shoes. Right now I have my fall and winter selection, but in about 6 weeks I will be swapping them out for my spring and summer collection.

Oh, but that is not all of them:

See the gray boots over on the end? Aren't those hot? I got those in December and have worn them 2 times out. Every time I do I feel goooooooood.

I thought I was done....I did not think I had anymore stashes of shoes until I turned around and saw this basket:

I forgot about my collection of flip flops. You know the shoes that are on my "MOM" dress code. How could I forget about these? I live in my flip flops! Look at them! Aren't they cute with the pink, polka dot, bling, and Victoria Secret ones. Sigh....I can't wait until summer so I can wear these again!

Oops.....I forgot about the basket that we keep downstairs full of shoes. Granted not all of these are mine, but a good amount are:


What is the point of all this talk about "shoes". I just think that in the morning when I get out of bed if I want to wear my hot black heels or my hooker grey boots I should. I mean who is gonna care? True, I am relearning how to walk in them, but the best way to do that is to put on my feet and do just that -- walk in them. It may not always be practical, but what would be the fun in that? Sometimes in life it is fun to do the impractical.

Today, I ventured out of my house to run errands and I wore my black nail head platform heels. Yep I went to the post office in them. I then went to Subway in them. AND I even grocery shopped in them! Here is proof:

Do you know what happened? It forced me to walk slower, thus taking in my surroundings and really making my outing kind of fun. Who knew that heels would have such an impact?

My point with this is far greater than shoes. I do have a deeper meaning to this whole discussion of shoes and that is instead of waiting to get to a certain size before can wearing pretty things just do it now. No better time than the present. It all goes back to living in the moment. Not only that, but I am far more successful on my "diet" when I feel good about myself -- shoes help me feel good! What makes you feel good? I challenge you do to it or wear it and see what happens.

Ever Feel Like This?

I jumped on the scale today...just for a check. I know it was stupid to do now....after the fact. I mean my weight in day is on Monday. I don't want to get into the psychological reasons on why I decided to check the scale because it is done. I did it. Now I just need to move on and deal with the thoughts I had after I saw that number......that number that has not changed!!!!! Grrrrr.....

In the past when I would see something on the scale I did not want to see I would throw in the towel.

Jump Ship.

Fall of the Wagon.

Make a batch of brownies and eat the whole pan along with a pint of Ben an Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. Yeah, I just admitted that I would do that. For real! No kidding. Shameless I know, right?

This time is different.

This time I am gonna do it.

I am gonna make it.

That is right, my head is on straight and my attitude is strong. I have a will and when I have a will I make a way -- even if that means taking a cannon and blowing a huge destructive hole in a wall that dares to stand in my way!

So, what do I do? First I tell myself "you are a complete moron for jumping on the scale! Don't do that again! If it ain't Monday it ain't weigh in day!"

Next, I pat myself on the back for not gaining anything. In my mind what a no change on the scale means is that what I lost I really did indeed lose! Yay!

Then, I find the reasons on why this is happening....or maybe I should call them "excuses". Really. Are they really "reasons"? I don't know about you, but my reasons are really just another way of saying "excuses". Oh, and I have the bestest reasons of them all! My reasons are medical! Yeah, my doctors (not one, but a whole team of them) agree that I have a medical condition that makes weight loss darn near impossible and slow at it's best. See I have "Thyroid disease" AND (yep, I have more than 1 reason --- woo-hoo! I am epic failure waiting to happen and people have to pity me because of it!) "Metabolic Syndrome". There it is.

That is it.

End of story.

Now, please please please let a PHat chick live in peace and give me my brownies that I can go eat quietly in my leather recliner watching my big screen HD TV that is set on "Desperate Housewives of Beverley Hills".

Wait.

That is not gonna work for me this time.

After all Champions don't use excuses.

I am a champion and I will win at this game!

Back to the reason on why I maintained and did not lose. I am really looking for a reason. Not an excuse disguised at a reason, but a reason. I think I finally figured out the difference between the two. A reason is something that I can fix. Something I can put my finger on and yell "hey, you are doing this and that is gonna stop!" An excuse is the reason you give for throwing in the towel. A reason is something that you find and then change.

My reason can be found in my food journal. The funny thing is it is a simple fix. See the last few days I have been drinking waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy tooooooooooooooo much diet soda and not enough water. I also have had some rather high in sodium foods. I know enough about my body to know that I swell with sodium and blow up like a bloat fish. So, instead of passing the brownies I am gonna pass on the diet soda and salt!

I am not gonna worry about if that does or does not work right now. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. "Tomorrow has enough worries of it's own" according to the Good book. What I can find today is wrong with my diet is sodium. My points are good and I feel great. The only thing broken in my system is sodium. I am not gonna fix something that is not broken, so I will concentrate on lower sodium and that is NO MORE DIET COKE! ;-)

Wow! That was a lot of effort and emotional garbage to get through just for stupid "Diet Coke". However, it is done. Over. Finished. I am good to go, so bye for now!

Reflections

I am still in the baby stage of my health and fitness journey and by no means an expert on any "diet" or "exercise" plan. I have no formal education on any of it. I am just an average 30 something American woman. I am posting the following based on my experiences.

I was watching the local news a few weeks back and a physical trainer was on. The interviewer asked him what program really works. I was quite shocked at his answer. He did not talk about the program his gym recommended or the health benefits of vitamins, protein shakes, and premade meals that he got a kick back on when they sold. Nope. He did not mention any of that. However, the answer that he gave will be forever etched in my memory.

He said: The program that works is the program that you will do.

Let me say it again only using myself in the statement: The program that works is the program that I will do.

How right he is! This is not the first diet that I have ever gone on. I started dieting at the tender age of 12. I am fairly certain that I have been on over 25 diets in my lifetime and each, for the most part, produced results. However, the one that I have always been comfortable with, the one that I have had greatest success on, the one that makes sense in my world, the one that I can stick to, is the one I am doing now. This diet plan has been my fall back pretty much from the get go. I have no intention of switching it up. Or at least not at the moment. I may switch it up if it stops working (then is it really the program that failed or me that failed at the program?).

My point is if you want to lose weight (for whatever reasons)than find the program that makes the most sense for your life. No matter what program one does he/she must stick to it in order for it to work ;-)

Champions

This is gonna be quick. Fast. Short post. Right here. Right now.

I was watching "Biggest Loser Tonight" (I know, I know, those of you that know so much about health and nutrition don't agree on this show, but I like it and find it inspiring.....nuff said) and found a new favorite quote. I must post it so I don't forget it. Here it is:

"A CHAMPION DOESN'T MAKE EXCUSES ON WHY THEY CAN'T DO SOMETHING."